How to overcome self-sabotage

Now, this is a subject that I think we can all relate to. 

Whether we’ve just messed up our diet, drank alcohol in dry January or sabotaged a relationship, I believe we have all been there in some form.

Wouldn’t you agree?

The thing is, we usually won’t realise when we are in that space of self-sabotage as what we decide most of the time comes from a place in our unconscious mind where our belief structure lives.  Our core belief structure was largely created when we were children; we picked up ways of thinking and believing from our parents or carers and we didn’t even question why we believed what we did.

Most of us rarely question our beliefs until later on in life when we are in therapy, on some kind of self-discovery journey or wanting to unpick some traumatic or past events that we realise are holding us back from being a better version of ourselves.

From my experience, self-sabotage is a sneaky episode that creeps up when we least expect it or when we have some really big goals to achieve.  There can be several triggers for self-sabotage and I believe the root course of this is a misalignment of our belief system against what we truly want.

How do you know when you are self-sabotaging?

Well, procrastination is a classic behaviour and truly typical of sabotaging yourself.  Procrastination shows up in several ways, an example is waiting to be perfect before we put ourselves ‘out there’.  I hear it all the time; “I don’t want to start dating until I’ve got my ideal body”, “I don’t want to present until I’m a perfect presenter”,  “I’ll go for that job when I have a bit more experience”.

 See, the most successful people are the people that are not perfect, but do it anyway.

We have so many beliefs that are held from a place of fear. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of being seen, fear of not being seen, fear of standing out..

This all comes from what I call an ‘unresourceful belief structure’;

‘I don’t deserve it’.

‘I am not good enough’.

‘I am unlovable'.

‘I am unworthy'.

These beliefs are subtle programming that has been there for so long we possibly don’t even remember when it was installed.  Is it time for a reboot, an upgrade to our neurological software so that we can finally be the person that we were born to be!  You can break through those negative cycles of behaviour and go for that job, get your ideal body, create your best business and do what you really want to do in your life.  When you are taking the last few breaths on this earthly planet, please do not regret not overcoming these self-sabotaging patterns that no longer serve you.

Here are 3 tips which will help you to understand when you’re sabotaging and how to overcome it:

1. Journal - When you write down your thoughts and feelings on a daily basis you start to get to know yourself on a more intimate level.  You will be more likely to understand when you are in that self-sabotage mode and what triggered it.
2. Meditate - I know, I know! I write this in nearly every article but seriously, it really helps us to stay grounded and to understand ourselves better. Meditating gives us a space where we can be the observer of our thoughts so that we can be more empowered.
3. Ask yourself - Are these actions in line with my true goals? Are they going to get me where I really want to be? What do I need to do/believe to get myself to where I really want to be? How can I make that happen and who do I need to ask for support?

I love the saying that one of my mentors, Andy Harrington, uses; “Why are you trying so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out?”

Remember, we all need support.  Don’t be afraid to ask. YOU have got this!

You are worthy.

You deserve the best.

You are loved and you are more than good enough!

I am sending you this with only love and only light.

Adele.